Sunday, August 31, 2008

Turning

At some point in your driving lifetime there may come a time when you will need to make a turn. Not often, mind you, but its been known to happen, and we think its best to prepare for all eventualities - just like the boy scout motto: 'let's see if it burns!' wait.. the OFFICIAL motto: 'Be Prepared'.

Now there are a few things to consider when making a turn while driving. First: know where you are turning. Sounds pretty simple, I know, but turning can be quite a process (at least you'd think so seeing some people attempt it) and so its best to avoid the last minute, wheel-squeaking, up-on-two-wheel turns that are so popular in some places. Knowing where we're turning lets us slow down a bit and keep any unsecured backseat passengers from getting to know each other too well.

Anyways, once we've determined ahead of time where we'd like to turn, we can begin the preparations with... the turn signal! (see previous post for details on this marvel of modern driving) In many places special lanes exist for people who wish to turn left and even those who are turning right. USE THEM! Left and right turn lanes allow people to exit the flow of traffic BEFORE they slow down to turn. Quite frankly I'm amazed at the people who slow down to a crawl and then get in the turn lane and speed up to make a turn (I'm convinced these are the same people who put on their pants to get in the shower).

Now these turn lanes aren't around everywhere, so when you need to make a turn without a lane, please consider the fact that it may be possible that the people behind you are not also turning (we're sure you're a popular person, but we may not be headed to the same place). Let's all help each other out and try to get out of the way as much as possible when slowing down for a turn. Thanks!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

The Traffic Light - Part II

Now that we've developed a radical new system for handling those traffic lights, we'd better talk about driver responsibility. At some point in our lives we'll find ourselves stopped at a red light (well, those of us on the new system will, some die-hards will no doubt stick the old "Go Fastest" philosophy) and occasionally we may find ourselves at the front of the line waiting for a green. I would like to nominate a new position for these people that I'll call "the light captain".

You see, Mr/Ms Light Captain has a very important responsibility as the leader of our little line of cars. It is they who must be ready for that light to change and lead out by going on green (that can even be our slogan - "go on green!"). So Mr/Ms Light Captain, stop fiddling with that stereo, put down that lipstick, hang up that phone, and stop talking with your friend in the back seat. You must watch that light and help us all by setting a new standard for traffic signal efficiency - Go on Green!

The Traffic Light

Traffic lights - the first electrical traffic light was invented here in Salt Lake City in 1912. The first interconnected traffic light system in the world was installed five years later, also here in Salt Lake City. Roughly five minutes later some guy in a model T ran a red light at 4mph, thus inaugurating a fine Utah tradition of having no idea what traffic lights mean.

Now, your average Utah driver has one of two interpretations for the colors on a traffic signal -
A) Green - go, Yellow - go faster, Red - go fastest
B) Green - stop, Yellow - begin inching into the intersection, Red - stop undecidedly in the middle of the intersection before deciding to go on through

Now in my youth we played a little game called "Red Light/Green Light" wherein you would go when "Green Light" was called and stop when a "Red Light" was called. I propose we adopt a similar system with regards to traffic lights. When the light is green - go, when red - stop. But what about those pesky yellow lights you ask? Let's just say that if you can't make it through the intersection before the light goes red, you should have stopped.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Road Work Ahead

Is there a less welcome sign on the highway?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Utah County

Utah county...

...where swerving in and out of the carpool lane like its an extra fast lane happens.

...where going 15 in a 35 and 75 in a 50 happens.

...where merging on I-15 at 45mph happens.

...where driving along the shoulder instead of merging into one lane so you can be three cars ahead at the light happens.

...where driving a car held together with duct tape and fishing line happens.

...where completely missing a green light happens.

...where three inches is enough space to pull your 2-ton pickup into the next lane happens (but only if you're in a hurry).

...where fitting six college kids into a 1982 Ford Pinto happens.

...where making me glad I live in Salt Lake happens.